I ran an “LLMs as Social Connectors” discussion last week and have been thinking about what it takes to form a new, meaningful relationship between two people. We seem predisposed as humans to like and pursue relationships, but if I asked you today to create a new one, that might be… hard? Why is that?
The group discussion called out spontaneity and organic interaction as critical to new relationships. Other points included a certain “frequency” of interactions being necessary or that relationships most easily emerge out of groups.
The organic frame makes sense. I know for me, if someone says “you should hang out with Greg, you’ll love each other” I, almost certainly, already hate Greg. It feels like being set up by your parents: “You guys are the same age! You’ll get along great!”
Ok. What if you have a lot in common? That’s supposed to be good, right? Let’s connect people through interests. That feels plausible. Then, I realize that despite my passion for tennis, I find most tennis players to be uptight control freaks (takes one to know one). Shared interests are perhaps necessary, but insufficient.
So what’s the fix? Why are relationships so tricky to manufacture?
This might feel like a transactional framing, but I believe all relationships can be boiled down to a mutual exchange of value - that could be dating, friendship, professional networking, etc. You give, I take. I give, you take.
What makes new relationships hard is we aren’t socially conditioned to name our specific needs. We look for companionship, but really want someone to vent to about our dating life. We look for friends, but really we want feedback that yes, those pants do make you look fat and short.
The crisp framing of new relationships around a value exchange is what’s missing. There is no marketplace for this type of trade. And it’s precisely these types of “social transactions” that open the door for meaningful relationships. If you knew that I was really only looking to play tennis, and not grab a coffee afterwards, perhaps the opportunity for a coffee would spontaneously emerge. No pressure. Just organic emergence.
This feels like the key – it’s specificity, not similarity. When we’re clear about what we want (just a tennis partner, no social obligations, thanks) it allows for an authentic relationship to emerge from choice instead of expectation.
I think this is where LLMs can actually help - not by predicting compatibility through personality tests, but by helping us articulate and match these specific, tactical needs. A sort of clearinghouse for 'looking for someone to browse bookstores in silence' or 'need a hiking partner who won't talk about work.'
I’m excited to keep exploring this area of “social marketplace” via LLM. If you’re exploring this space please drop me a line. We can trade ideas – a perfectly transactional value exchange.